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The World in a Cup of Joe

Just after Thanksgiving I was driving to work gripping the wheel tightly, clenching my jaw, and swearing quietly through my teeth. I was late to work but had to drive with excruciating care to avoid spinning on the black ice; my brain was stuck on some paycheck error that I needed to take care of when I got to the office. It was a tense morning--a bad one as far as I was concerned.

As I passed the Amante Coffee shop in North Boulder, though, I saw a homeless man with dirty pants and a thin jacket walking down the street, slightly hunched over a cup of coffee, which he gripped with both hands. It was so cold that both the man and his coffee billowed with steam. As he walked, wrapped around his little cup of warmth, his expression was one of serenity if not sheer bliss. The dude was happy!

What was he doing in the freezing cold in his thin, filthy clothes looking so happy? What was wrong with him? What was wrong with me?

It was just after Thanksgiving, for crying out loud, and as I drove to my great job in my warm car guzzling my own streaming cup of coffee, I had been sure that my life was pretty hard. Seeing that man snapped me awake. I immediately began looking around me, cataloguing the things, right there in the present, that were beautiful or good or comforting. The image of that man has stuck with me, and I think of him whenever my mind starts to slip into worry or negativism. I'm disciplining myself pause and catalogue a few of the many good things in my life and to say an audible "thank you," for each one.

A recent study published in the journal, Current Directions in Psychological Science, found that human memory attaches much more strongly to negative events than to positive ones. Some scientists attribute this to a survival function--if we remember events that were dangerous or difficult, we are more likely to work to avoid them in the future. What strikes me about that research, however, is that it implies we're not wired to be thankful. Whether that's a spiritual, attitudinal, or neurological condition, I don't know. I do know, however, that it's true of me. It's much easier to remember bad stuff and, therefore, to fixate on how to avoid it in the present. So while pessimism may have helped cave men survive attacks from the brontosaurus rex (I don't want to tangle with one of THOSE again!), it definitely does not help us thrive emotionally, socially, or spiritually. That dirty jobless near-frozen homeless man was, in the moment I caught a glimpse of him, thriving.

Thankfulness, for most of us, requires some discipline. We have to stop and consciously catalogue the things we have to be thankful for--i.e. count our blessings--in order to realize the paradise we occupy. Most major religious disciplines account for this by making formal thanksgiving a part of their liturgy or ceremony. Some countries have a day set aside to focus on being thankful; the UN set aside a whole year of thanksgiving (2000)...remember? Neither do I. People that we are, we don't naturally wake up fully aware of all we have to be thankful for and move through our days in a bliss of thanksgiving. My dog does, but I don't.

I'm a spoiled man. We're a spoiled generation, and so is the one we're raising. Our kids are drowning in abundance. They're shut down and so busy and stressed managing their abundance that they don't enjoy much of it. "Affluenza," is the popular term used by psychologists, and ironic UTube videos (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFZz6ICzpjI), to describe this epidemic of teen culture. We needn't be ashamed of abundance as long as we are mindful of it and thankful for it. Our gift to our kids can be to model thankfulness; to pause and actually say out loud what you're thankful for--the little things and the big things. It's not something that's natural, but it's something that can make the difference between being selfish or generous, stressed or relaxed, stingy or generous, miserable or blissfully content. Common sense tells us this, and current research on the relationship between gratitude and well-being confirms it.

So this holiday season, remember my freezing jobless dirty homeless friend who found the world in a cup of joe and, in so doing, gave me my best Christmas gift this year. Thanks.

Posted by Michael Behmer on December 21, 2007 11:06 AM | Permalink

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Will, I appreciate you sharing this experience. Very well written.

I had a similar experience on Christmas Eve, driving home from a family party with my wife and 3 little kids. We saw a man struggling up the road with a shopping cart loaded with what appeared to be his belongings wrapped in plastic supermarket bags. I stopped the van, got out in the blizzarding snow, and engaged him in conversation while I attempted to force some hot muffins into his hands. "No thanks," he protested, "I have more than I need and I'd just have to find a way to carry the muffins around."

I thought of his words later - "I have more than I need." I have been wondering how to teach my children exactly what you wrote about in your blog. It seems to be a key to happiness.

Posted by Dustin Tibbitts | December 28, 2007 2:59 PM

Posted on December 28, 2007 14:59

Nice article Willy Boy. Really! Funny that I am reading it now as for Christmas my wife gave me a daily calendar for 2008 with thoughts from the wonderful book "The Secret". Today's was gratitude. It said the more you give thanks for what you have today the more you will attract. Hmmmm.

Peace out!

Posted by david herz | January 6, 2008 4:00 PM

Posted on January 6, 2008 16:00