SurVIVE the Holidays: Tips from the behavioral health professionals of Vive!
Do You Let Your Teen or Young Adult Sit in Jail?
Subscribe via RSS
Archives
January 2008
December 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
Vive! Blog
« November 2006 | Main | January 2007 »
December 5, 2006
Do You Let Your Teen or Young Adult Sit in Jail?
Wow! This is a tough one. Or is it? We have dealt with this a lot over the years at Vive! As difficult as it is to endure our own child's suffering, it's sometimes appropriate to let a young person who has violated the law sit in jail; sometimes it's even wise to resist the tempation to hire a lawyer to get them off.
A few years ago, I worked with a young man who was abusing drugs and was heading for real trouble. I knew he needed drug rehab but he was still oblivious to the depth of his problem. Eventually his bad choices caught up with him and he ended up in front of the judge for driving with a revoked license. As his Mentor I accompanied him to court where he was sure he would just get a slap on the wrist.
What he got was five days in jail. With the support of his Vive! parent coach, Dad resisted the powerful urge to bail him out. He let his son sit in jail. When I picked him up five days later he said, "take me to rehab." This was the wake up call he needed in order to save him from future disaster; fortunately, his Dad did not deprive him of this key lesson.
Thank you Dad!
After completing rehab and digging into his recovery process, he successfully completed his probation and had his record sealed so that it will never show up on a background check.
December 15, 2006
SurVIVE the Holidays: Tips from the behavioral health professionals of Vive!
Despite all the standard exhortations to be Happy, Merry, and Jolly, the holiday season is, for many, a time of piercing anxiety, sadness, depression, and family conflict. Holidays are disruptive for the very reason that families often gather together at close quarters and with high, even idealized, expectations. For many, difficult memories are triggered, roles are confused (am I a mother, sister or daughter?), old relational wounds get irritated, performance pressure increases, people drink too much, routines are interrupted, eating habits change, family dynamics are magnified, and on and on. Ironically, in this season that represents family, generosity and all things heavenly, all hell breaks loose! January is traditionally a busy month for crisis intervention as families reel in the wake of the holiday season.
So if you suffer from what some therapists term "Holiday Syndrome," take heart--you are not alone! The staff at Vive!, a company specializing in the delivery therapeutic solutions to families, has compiled a list of tips to help you navigate from now all the way through the New Year.
Kate Rau, MA, Mentor at Vive! Boulder
Express and Uphold Boundaries
Sometimes, after a few days together, relatives or others want to broach topics about difficult past events, challenges, or issues. However well intentioned they may be, these inquiries can have the effect of dredging up old pain. Kate suggests role playing with a counselor or trusted friend before the holidays to practice calmly and clearly setting boundaries around these topics. Simple statements work best, such as "I want to focus on our time together now and prefer not to discuss the past right now," or "That was a painful time for me and I request that we not dwell on the past." If these requests are not honored, exercise your right to gracefully and physically excuse yourself.
Mitch Newman, MA, Mentor at Vive! Beverly Hills
Write a Eulogy
"There is always one person in the family who really gets your goat more than anyone else," Mitch says. "Prior to the holiday or even as you travel home, try this thirty-minute writing exercise. Imagine that this person has passed away and you have been asked by other family members to deliver the eulogy. Putting aside your differences, focus on the qualities that they represented to you and other members of the family during their lifetime. Write the eulogy (for your eyes only)!
"This is a great way to reconnect to your own heart, reconnect with your own capacity for empathy and compassion, and get out of your own 'story' about this person. Some of the tales you recount might provide you with the laughter you need to not take yourself so seriously when you're with this relative!"
Continue reading "SurVIVE the Holidays: Tips from the behavioral health professionals of Vive!" »
I want to talk to a Vive! professional right now!
Call - 800.261.0127
